How to manage the arrival of the second child. A mother's advice

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Catherine Le Nevez
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How to manage the arrival of the second child

We are pregnant with a little brother or a little sister and, although it was a well thought out choice, sometimes we panic and we wonder how to manage the arrival of the second child? Here are some tips to not go crazy and not panic.





  • Pregnancy is a world unto itself

The first thing to consider is that we are pregnant, therefore physiologically broken and full of small and large ailments that presumably will cease after delivery. Right now it is normal to see everything blacker than it is, but keep in mind that a couple of months after birth we will be much fitter and have more energy.

  • Nobody claims miracles

Managing two small children is largely a matter of an organization that, inevitably, we will have to mature over time. In the beginning it will be chaos: the first born will be confused, jealous, probably more capricious and / or more lively, the little one in need of tranquility like all newborns, and these two diametrically opposed needs will collide ... also because both will have a huge need of us. Let's take a deep breath and don't expect everything to be perfect right away. We have to get into the rhythm and channel ourselves into a routine that will gradually allow us to do everything - and to take a few breaths from time to time.

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  • We reason by priority

If the floor in your house has become some kind of landfill, well, let's pretend we don't see it, or ask someone for help. We accept the fact that we will not be able to do everything we did before: now there is a newborn in the house! A creature that absorbs a lot of time, effort, mental and physical energy. The anxiety of perfectionism must necessarily be kept at bay, or we risk bursting.



  • The moment is unique

It is a unique moment in terms of chaos and disorganization, but also of beauty, of emotion. It seems a paradox perhaps, but have you ever thought of having to enjoy it? After the days in the hospital you are finally home with your two jewels, a small child and a newborn who sees the world for the first time. Don't be afraid to spend hours and hours on the sofa with the two of them: one day you will think that they were too few anyway.

Read also: Things to know about the arrival of the second child
  • Dad

And dad? Yes, that gentleman who comes in every evening and constitutes a huge additional weight, with his shirts to be ironed and his habit of adding disorder to disorder? That would be the father of our children. And in our chaotic days it sometimes becomes transparent: he comes home and we drop the baby in his arms, insulting him if he pretends to take a shower. We need his help, but there is a way and a way to ask for it: and doing things together will help us settle down sooner and better in our new and wonderful family situation.

  • The other

We all have a friend who, two weeks after giving birth, showed up perfectly dressed and made up for a happy hour, then spent the whole evening having fun and chatting. Ok, let's forget it. Literally. We are not competing with anyone, and it is perfectly useless, as well as counterproductive, to tread your hand and make commitments that are currently beyond our strength. Others will understand, true friends will stay, others patience. Does it take you six months to regain the desire to hold a lipstick? Well, it's not exactly a crime against humanity.
 

  • To ask

You have given birth to a child, so you have a sacrosanct right to sit down, focus on what you need right now, and ask for it. It can be a meal out once a week, or delegating to your husband or someone else a specific household task (cleaning, shopping, laundry…) or an afternoon every now and then just for you. If you express your need clearly and without any polemical or victimistic tone, you will be surprised by the willingness of people who love you to give you a hand.

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