Letter from a stay-at-home mom to her partner
My dear husband,
I want to write you this letter using this half hour that separates me between the washing machine to hang out and the baby food to prepare. You know well that with joy I have chosen, together with you, to dedicate myself exclusively to children and to be a full-time mother. It was a shared and conscious decision, which we took as a couple by virtue of what we believe is best for our two children aged 2 and 7, but last night you made me reflect and also feel sorry with that expression on your face after returning from work. I was busy with the showers for the little ones, I was definitely tired and I didn't smile at your return as I usually do. Your joke that "we were still taking showers" prompted me to write this to you letter to clarify what the day is like so you don't think I spend my time on the couch watching TV series or making me coffee.
When we get up in the morning you take a shower, make coffee for both of us and then get ready and run away. I realize it takes probably 40 minutes in traffic to get to the office, but in the meantime I:
- I prepare breakfast for the children,
- I wash and dress them,
- I manage the whims of the morning (inevitable),
- we go down the razor's edge and I accompany Luigi who has to enter at 8 am dragging Sara on the stroller first downhill and then uphill.
- On the way back I stop at the supermarket and return home loaded with bags, stroller, baby in her arms who in the meantime has cried and is bored of sitting without doing anything.
I return to the house and there are:
- beds to be redone,
- washing machines to start,
- dishwasher to be emptied,
- bathroom to clean.
And in the meantime Sara is there wandering around the house, she sticks to my legs, she wants a snack, she wants to play. I leave everything as it is and I give precedence to her who already, poor thing, woke up early and came after us for our needs.
Let's play in the bedroom with dolls, constructions, I read illustrated books: it's a beautiful part of the day, the one in which I fully understand the meaning of the choice we made. Being with her, following her in her growth, offering her the right stimuli and making her stay with her mother.
After some games she is tired, she sits on the sofa and asks me to turn on the cartoons.
His attention span lasts a maximum of half an hour, but at that juncture I find the time to do something housework that I had had to interrupt before.
It's noon and Sara is hungry, I'll make you one good baby food with steamed vegetables as we want, fresh veal and pasta with sauce. I am also happy to dedicate myself to family meals: I want you to eat in a healthy and balanced way and I am satisfied when I think of delicious recipes to prepare for both lunch and dinner. Sara has lunch with me and we chat and laugh. At 13 30 the bus brings Luigi back from school.
He is hungry, he too has lunch and I want to keep him company so that he does not eat alone, perhaps in front of the television. So Sara and I sit at the table with him: I try to ask him how school went, what we will do in the afternoon but obviously we are continually interrupted by Sara who demands attention and is jealous of the return of her little brother who takes away my exclusive attention.
After lunch Luigi watches some TV and Sara goes back and forth while I load it dishwasher, she insists on helping me, between the pasta fallen on the floor and the dishes arranged all crooked on the shelves, I let her do it.
I sit on the sofa and feel myself exhausted: I would like to have a coffee, perhaps in silence, just five minutes. But the two argue: Sara complains that Luigi "looks at her", he snorts and at a certain point she screams to leave him alone.
I try to mediate: Luigi has to do his homework because at 4,30 he has to go in Swimmingpool, Sara plays in the bedroom. I go back and forth from room to room playing a little with her and helping Luigi who didn't understand what to write in the notebook. grammar.
At 4 we get ready to go out: Sara is happy because she thinks we will go to the park, but we will go there in the morning that the forecast is sunny, instead we go to the swimming pool, and I am full of:
- pool bag,
- bag with diapers inside, wipes, change for Sara,
- my bag with wallet, mobile phone etc ..
Luigi offers to carry the change bag.
All 3 arrived at the pool locker room to arrange clothes and slippers: Luigi is very good and does everything by himself, Sara wanders around the locker room and I just hope he doesn't slip on the wet floor.
When Luigi enters the water Sara and I take something from the drinks dispenser: she wants a juice, I can finally get that coffee I wanted from the morning. We sit on the sofa, I brought a book with stickers and magnets and play together as we look at Luigi from the window who greets us every now and then.
I have a chat with Andrea's mother, while Sara calls me, pulls my pants and says she's bored.
After the lesson Luigi takes a shower, Sara and I are in the locker room in an infernal heat and I help him at least to dry his hair well.
Let's go home at six o'clock. There is dinner to think about.
Sara is hungry and wants baby food so I make Sara eat while Luigi plays with the constructions and robots, when the little girl is finished I think about preparing for the three of us.
All 19 you come back, rightly tired, annoyed by the usual return traffic, we come to meet you with a kiss and a smile and tell you what we have done. You always told me that for you this hug of return is the most beautiful thing of the day, it is also for us who feel we are finally all together, at home, in our world of love.
I do not list everything I do after you come back, from dinner to the moment when you and I sink into the sofa hoping to be able to see at least one episode of the new TV series or to have a well-deserved pampering.Read also: Stay-at-home mom versus working mom
This letter is not a j'accusazioni against you, it's not a repentance of the choices made, and not even a message from self-pity: it's just a story of my typical day that is good to know without filters.
There are scared Sometimes I will fade into the background by being just a mother, even for you: being a full-time mother is for many a fortune, a grace, but it is also a job that is sometimes not very funny, boring and very lonely. It is important that you see it clearly sforzo that I take it, that I don't take it for granted, that I appreciate it and it confirms that we have made the right choice. Taking care of the children, of our children, is my job, along with all the rest of the housework, and it is important that you recognize. So if you come home and dinner isn't ready yet and the house is a mess please don't ask yourself how this is possible. like I haven't done anything all day. To have proof that I spend my days very busy just look at our children: tell me you appreciate what I do and it is important to do so because a mother's job is often invisible or taken for granted. I am not a fifties housewife, you will never find me back from work in lingerie with a glass of champagne in hand waiting for you, you will most likely find me in overalls, tired and covered in food and saliva and anyway I will smile at you. Do the same with me and remember that we are partners, complicit allies in the choices we have made for our family.