Little brother yes or no? Moms and experts think so

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Catherine Le Nevez
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Little brother yes or no?

One of the most evident social phenomena of the last century is certainly the transition from the extended family, with a patriarchal structure, to the nuclear family. The number of children per family has increased considerably reduced and today more and more couples decide to have only one child, with the intention of being able to devote more attention to him and to be able to better provide for all his needs.

In reality, it is not possible to have an objective and absolute point of view regarding minors or greater advantages of being an only child or not, for two reasons: first of all, those who live the condition of only children they can't know what it means having brothers, just as those who have them cannot fully understand how it feels to be an only child.
Secondly, both of these conditions have their pros and cons, depending on the age of reference.

Read also: Better an only child?

We report the opinions of some "Pianetine" of the forum of and the thought of the experts on the subject.

  • It begins with the testimony of a woman who would have liked so much to be an only child and wishes the same for her son:

I come from a family with 3 children ..
I would have wanted so much to be an only child .. not for the attention of the parents .. when you grow up then .. you don't need it anymore .. But having my living space .. no hassle .. no quarrel .. space at home ..
Regarding the "complicity" with the brothers? .. very often the opposite is true ...
And then ... let's think about tomorrow .. already arguing now .. about the nonsense at home? .. Then it will be the heritage, each family will think of their own .. I know my brothers .. especially my brother and that's it ..
I am too ... and I fear that moment ..

How nice it would have been ... instead ...
Only child ... all mine ... peace ... tranquility ... room all to myself ...
And then .. the problem of relating to others? .. but what talk? ... What are friends for? The school? The childhood nest?
Peace, serenity, money, freedom!

  • Aliss instead tells an opposite experience:

I have an older sister and a younger brother and I can be proud and happy of this! obviously sometimes it happens to argue but however it goes from that discussion you always learn a lot ... probably sometimes it happens to have less attention, from the parents, than the other two brothers but this helps not to become egocentric and spoiled ... moreover the brothers can often prove useful in scholastic matters, sentimental and nn rarely take the shape of your best friend ... I think that if I hadn't had brothers I would have almost felt alone. this is why I appeal to all families by saying not to leave their child, if possible, without a brother or sister ... it would be like depriving them of support, perhaps the only support, sincere and loyal that they could to have. 

How does life change with a second child?

  • Alex says "Better alone!" and argues: My name is Alex and I have two sisters, one older and one younger. I vote widely for the only child! As for me, I think exactly how E., in my family, the various boyfriends, and subsequently husbands, have always tried to take over, to become the owners of the chicken coop, with the broad consent of my parents, so as not to disappoint. the "little girls" and they NEVER and I say NEVER deserved the nickname of "brother" for me.

those who say they get along, wait to become an adult, and to confront other members of the family who are not brothers or sisters and wait for something to be shared on the table ... then wars begin ...) However, I always grew up as if I were an only child, because being the only male I was able to share very little with my sisters from a confidential point of view. in short, I have never been able to confide in them as I would have liked to do with a brother! while instead, between them there has always been a certain feeling. And then, with the times that run ... let's talk about when they will be big? what do you make him do? if you have one you can still guarantee him / her some sustenance, but what if you have two or three? how do you do?

Does a single child grow up spoiled? bullshit !!! 

do you do to give him a company ??? bullshit !!

sometimes it is done only for the satisfaction of the parents!

now that I am Matteo's father I am really loooong indecisive, in fact I am 95% no and 5% yes.

from what world and world, there are many more brothers who quarrel and scorn each other, than those who really get along in love and harmony!

What's life like with a second child? We asked some mothers on the forum. Here are some stories:

Hello, I have 2 girls and I can tell you that on a practical level you start all over again in the true sense of the word, of course you have more experience, but anyway a small child takes a lot of effort and the relationship with the firstborn suffers!
Mary has matured a lot since her sister was born, I see her grown a lot, she is more independent!
Every now and then there is some little jealousy, after all they are children, but in the end she loves her sister very much and she has understood that if I spend a lot of time with her sister I do it because she is small and she needs me for everything!
Of course you have to be very careful to try not to create jealousies (for example if I kiss Sara I also kiss Mary, if I buy some stolen goods from Sara I will also buy some stolen goods for Mary ...), and above all to make it clear to the eldest child that the arrival of another child will not take away the affection of his parents, but in the end even 4 can find a balance !!

or another mother tells us: "Hi, I too when Nicoletta was almost three years old, I was looking for a new pregnancy. My partner wanted him too ... only he wanted a boy, and he stayed a while bad, that Alessandra, was not the boy much desired. But he did not make a problem. There is jealousy in children and unfortunately Nicoletta has suffered a lot. This is because of everything Alessandra has been through since she was born, and in any case she made you understand it in every way. Nicoletta is still quite jealous of her sister, but she is also jealous of her things, of her friends ... or maybe she just does that, because now she behaves more like a young lady , on the other hand Ale is still a child. With Marco, Nicoletta behaves like a mother, after all I did the same with my younger sister (10 years younger) and therefore I think it is normal. Alessandra since Marco was born, has made a few whims, at school he was called back, he forgot things ... but it was x a period. But now I think of him too, when she is the age of her sisters, isn't it that she will be too alone? Xchè then the two of them, having another age, maybe they will have their own life. And Marco, having no brothers of his age, won't he be too lonely? Hey, look, I don't think about another stork .... "

Undecided whether to have the second child?

"Undecided whether to have the second child? What if I regret it?" There are many planets that ask themselves this question on our forum. It seems that the favorite warning from those who have more children to those who have only one, is to repeat the experience under pain of atrocious repentance. Our forum users discuss it, what do you think? Here is a testimony:

But is it possible that all mothers and even fathers who have at least 2 children feel entitled to tell me that I have to have at least one more child ??? you will regret it if you leave him alone you will not want to leave him alone but come on, you made one, immediately do the second ... it is possible that they should look at you like an alien just because you say that you will not have another child! cabbage, I do not want it, sorry but I'm okay !!!! so I have to say: let's see, if he arrives ... he will not be a psychologically maladjusted just because he will not have a younger brother, I will not leave him alone ... you can establish social relationships, have friends, and in any case it is only the only child be a poor wretch! sorry for the outburst but I just can't take it anymore

This was the outburst of our angry user and here are the answers of the others, then we would also like to know your opinion on it:

  • "It also happens to those who do not have or maybe have 2,3 or even more, people will never be happy and will always have something to say! They will tell you you did it too soon, or too late, but Why are you still waiting, but how are 2 so close? You have 3, but are you crazy? Only child? Give him his little brother .. and so on .. Do not care and if you really want to shut them up tell them once and for all to mind their own business, that the family is yours and you certainly don't have to ask them whether to leave your son alone or start a football team .. "
  • "A child is not a toy .. a mother must feel ready, she can't have children, because otherwise the neighbors will talk .. however people will always tell you something .... my advice, prepare a nice shock sentence that will silence them , pungent enough to make them ashamed not to mind their own business ... and carry on "
  • "I, who want my second child, are starting to get annoyed with all these requests too, but mind your own business! In fact, if at first I answered honestly, saying that yes we wanted it and in a while we would have started looking for it , now I stop answering and I also make it clear that maybe I don't want it, but it will be my business! "
  • "What a bummer! Apart from that I am an only child and I do not feel" different "and I am fine, I have grown up well, I have dealt with my parents' divorce and many other things ... so what? I'm still here! I had a doubt in my life whether to get married, to have a child ... but because I faced the divorce of my parents and I was afraid! and then, already without children, life at home weighs 80% on us women, with a child we reach 95% ... and with 2 ??? when I was pregnant I was already thinking about the 2nd but shortly after giving birth, until today, I have always said that my son will remain alone !!!!! AND THEN ??? ? however actually if you have 1 they tell you "and come on you can't leave him alone!", if you have 2 "that changes from 2 to 3!", if you decide to do the 3rd, 4th, 5th they give you of the madwoman! Oh can anyone do what they like or not? "
  • "It's really a threat eh? If you think about it, they do this for everything: you go to school ... but when you graduate? Then you graduate and they ... but when do you find a job? Then you work and they ... but Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend and they ... but when do you get married? do you get married and they ... you won't be rented forever will you? You buy a house and they ... you don't want a child? son (if you are lucky enough to come immediately otherwise the question has repercussions for a long time. Personally they torture me) and they ... and the second? potty and then it's his turn to go around school, graduation etc. They can't fail to suggest to the right and missing how to live their life. Don't care. They always say to me ... but a son? but a son? ! Then I lost it ... what are you waiting for to try again? In the end, I fall into the zen phase and I don't feel them anymore.

How to tell if you are ready for a second child?

If we wait to "feel ready", or carefully analyze all the pros and cons of have a second child, we probably never will. Deciding to set up another child always requires a pinch of ruthlessness. Yet sometimes there are signs that suddenly give us the input we've been waiting for. Here's what Laura Losito, a mother of the editorial team, thinks about it.

  • the firstborn who asks us: our first child begins to ask frequently if we "make" him a little brother or a little sister, complete with daring suggestions about the name (My daughter: "I want to call him ... Baby!" -.-)
  • We look sadly at the old dressesi: in tidying up the bodysuits and rompers of our first one who now seems to us already great - even if he is three years old - the lack of a newborn is starting to be felt.
  • Let's start bringing various objects to the cellar: such as the baby bath, the high chair or the changing table, which have been lying unused for a year or more. And the idea of ​​getting rid of it doesn't excite us at all.
  • We move house: we move from the old couple's house, whose rooms were now in full “Buried at home” style, to a larger one. Maybe too big, for only three people.
  • The new father feels ready: a man??? Ready??? Such an anomalous decision-making inspiration can only reverberate on us as well.  
  • We don't think about anything else: maybe telling us that it would be immoral in the perspective of global overpopulation, but in fact, our thoughts always return there. Basically we want it, we might as well admit it.
  • The first begins to sleep at night: that's where all this energy comes from!
  • Our friends have already made an encore: maybe all the mothers we met during the first pregnancy have already produced a second version.
  • We observe our eldest son who enjoys babysitting to the little ones and think: why not? 

Only child, the psychologist's opinion

But what does the psychologist think? Little brother yes or no? Is it better to have only one child or to expand the family?
  • The doctor, specifically, of the myths to dispel two only children. For example, it is not true that having only one child can involve the risk of spoiling him; it is the parents' duty to be attentive and able to make their child satisfied without spoiling him.
  • According to some pedagogists we must not generalize. Being an only child has advantages, but also negative sides. The only child does not have to share his space and the affection of the parents, so he is more focused on himself. The disadvantage, however, is that a child who grows up alone does not learn to measure himself with diversity, and with the psychological suffering that can ensue. Furthermore, the only child catalyses all the attention, but also the anxieties and expectations of the parents, and this could limit his freedom, his individuality and his creative spirit.
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