New mothers: how to learn to take time for yourself and not feel guilty

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Philippe Gloaguen
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New mothers, how to take time for yourself

When comes a baby life changes totally: you stop thinking about yourself and every thought and energy is aimed at that little being who demands attention 24 hours a day. also the strain new mothers more motivated. The experts of, tell how to best face this phase of radical change, especially in this historical moment in which the school and care services are on stand by indefinitely, and how take time for yourself without feeling guilty.

Read also: Stress after childbirth

No to guilt

In traditional division of roles, the woman takes care of the child and the house exclusively, while the man works outside the home and earns. This is a legacy that should be largely overcome nowadays, but in practice this is not the case. Many women find themselves having to do the jump through hoops to manage the triple load that weighs on them: children, home and work. Precisely for this previous idea of ​​a mother that she must always put the offspring first, when the desire to do something for oneself emerges, whether it is simply going to the hairdresser, the mother feels guilty because she prefers to take her time rather than be with her child. In this way she or she gives up on it or does it in a hurry without enjoying the moment well deserved for itself. Instead this time is the greatest gift she can give not only to herself, but also to her son, because she will learn to be with others and will have a happier mother to take care of him, not exhausted by the intensity of the days.

Give yourself time to recover

New mothers have a lot of time sensitive, which provides a recovery time that varies depending on the subject, but which is inevitable and essential. From physical recovery: if you do not see the extra pounds when pregnant because they are camouflaged by the belly, once you give birth what remains is a belly that struggles to go down and extra centimeters scattered here and there. Then there may be difficulties in breastfeeding, with related breast pain, hair loss, and sleep changes. In a physical situation in which one would normally dedicate as much as possible to one's recovery, one cannot stop even for a moment, accumulating fatigue and abandonment.

Recovering the lost form is important, but before that she must recover herself. Learn to listen to your body and reorganize your days methodically. You don't get there overnight, because newborns are unpredictable, but with a little perseverance and determination it is possible to achieve a good balance: the important thing is that the new schedule also includes a time for rest. and for your own pleasure.

A happy, rested mom is a better mom

It is important that the mother is rested, that she sleeps well and that she feeds properly, as this directly affects her energy and mood. A mom who manages to regain his strength will be much more predisposed to play and interact with the baby, and will not only carry out the primary functions of nourishment, bath and diaper change.

Tips to win back your time, without guilt

  1. Time for passions. Being a mom doesn't mean you stop having interests. Whether it's reading a book, going for a run or watching a movie, getting back to doing what you love, even if in a smaller version adapted to your new life, it's a way to keep your spirits high.
  2. Time for loved ones. Continuing to cultivate your loved ones and being present for family and friends helps to scale the change and start a new stage without closing with what life and relationships have been so far.
  3. Time for the couple. Do not forget the intimate sphere is essential. With your partner you are a team in raising children, but you are a couple and lovers beyond the newcomer.
  4. Craving for frivolous things. Whether it's a manicure, a massage or a shopping trip, the time invested in clearing your mind is all about health.
  5. Don't be afraid to say I can't. We are human and we have limits, if you can't do it it's good to stop and recover your energy, it doesn't matter if you accumulate domestic work or not, if you are exhausted the only thing to do is rest. Then it will start again with the right charge.
  6. No to guilt, you can't get to everything. Not being able to dedicate the time you used to before to friends and partners is perfectly normal. Now is the time to dedicate yourself to your baby. Don't worry about losing your loved ones because you became a mom. The people who are dear to you and who care about you, will know how to understand, wait and give you a hand.
  7. Don't worry about asking for help, don't feel like a failure if you delegate. Whether in looking after the home or looking after your child, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Family members, babysitters or crèches are an excellent solution to avoid reaching the extremes of stress and to ensure that the little ones get used to being with other people from the first months.
  8. Yes to work. Work should not be seen as something that steals time from the child's care and education, but rather as an important part of personal fulfillment and financial independence, which must not be given up. Gradually, it is good to get back to work and feel that in addition to being mothers, you continue to be workers.
  9. Yes to the bottle even if you are breastfeeding. A breast pump can prove to be the best ally to gradually regain emancipation from the mother-newborn binomial.
  10. Patience, everything has its time. Don't think you have everything at once. Babies have their times, they need to be known, understood. At first everything seems impossible, but we must not despair, because only with patience and tranquility everything will gradually regain its place.
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