Because working mothers don't have to feel guilty
All mothers, some more and some less, have feelings of guilt: for some reason, we forgive ourselves much more easily if it is not our children. Especially in times of fatigue and stress, we tend to exaggerate our real or presumed shortcomings, and we find ourselves brooding, perhaps more than necessary, on an unreasonably abrupt response, on an innocent forgetfulness, on a choice that perhaps will prove unhappy. In particular, mothers who work outside the home are the ones who most easily feel inadequate and not up to par.
Read also: Working mothers, how their children grow up
Despite the races, the constant giving up time for themselves and the stunts to be able to fit everything, there is always something wrong. And we feel terribly alone, dissatisfied with always having to sacrifice something or someone to make it through the day: one day it is our elderly parents, another our partner, the one after an emergency forces us to leave work early despite an important deadline and the next day we forget our school pool bag. In short, as much as we were warned of the guilt of mothers, we did not imagine that, at times, it would be so hard.
That we would spend our lives running like crazy all day, and anyway we would never feel really satisfied with ourselves. But there are many reasons why it is not right - neither for ourselves, nor for others - to live in a sense of guilt. We want to tell you five.
- We are working for a good reason
Do we work for economic necessity? Or out of passion? Or why is a career important to us and we don't want to "miss the train"? Whatever the reason, it is clear that we have made this choice to give ourselves and our family a better life. This must be the premise that guides our reasoning: sometimes we mothers, especially if we work by choice - and in any case, for almost all of them, quitting would involve economic sacrifices - we feel guilty for the very fact of… having a job. Yet that would never happen to a man, and for good reason. Work ennobles the man, and also the woman ;-) making her stronger and more independent.
- Sometimes there is a retrograde and unfair mentality involved
Sometimes one gets the impression that certain issues in our country are magnified, and that sometimes there is also a good dose of male chauvinism and a retrograde mentality that wants women to be fulfilled only as a mother. In some circles, you even feel that you are somehow considered "second-rate moms" if she is not breastfeeding or even if she has not given birth naturally. Even having a job seems almost an act of selfishness, especially if we are forced to leave the baby at the nursery when she is a few months old. Yet, in other European countries this is not the case: it is considered completely normal for a mother to return to work a few months after giving birth, to be away from home from morning to evening and maybe even enjoy a few evenings out with friends. We look beyond our noses, and always remember that what matters is the quality of the time we spend with children, not the quantity.
- The expectations of others are NOT absolute truths
Letting ourselves be bogged down by other people's expectations is a dangerous game, especially if we are surrounded by people who don't fully understand our situation - even if they say otherwise. We are talking about the mother-in-law who demands the family lunch (which lasts until late afternoon) every Sunday, thus preventing us from having exclusive time with our children. Relatives who complain that "we never call". Friends who judge because we are too tired to go out in the evening. Our affections count, of course, and it is right not to neglect anyone, but up to a certain point, also because to please everyone we often risk losing sight of what really interests us. Our days, unfortunately, are not 48 hours long, and "the others" will have to deal with it.
- Other moms aren't as perfect as we think they are
We are all perfect in the eyes of others. Probably, the same mothers that we admire and envy because they never forget anything, they are always on time and often save us by reminding us that tomorrow there is a school trip or the teacher's birthday, in turn they wonder how we do everything. . Life is not a Pinterest board for anyone. And above all, let's avoid those people who seem intent on making us feel inadequate. Those who judge you, who through passive-aggressive speeches aim, consciously or not, to instill the doubt that our life is all wrong. Often even children, albeit in a completely innocent way, are the first "manipulators", and they knock us out with murderous phrases such as "you are never there". Here, let's not allow them to take control and hold us in their grip: it is right to have an examination of conscience and always try to improve, but always objectively: basically we are doing our best. When we're at it, we're serious.
- The best reason not to feel guilty?
Making the time we spend with children truly special, which necessarily passes through a renunciation of perfectionism. As we have said, it is often humanly impossible to cope with all the tasks, and sometimes we ourselves "continuously raise the bar", sabotaging ourselves. Better a mother who forgets the justification than one who always has her brain occupied by a thousand thoughts. Better to put a butter and parmesan dough on the table than not having even 5 minutes in the whole day to sit down and ask our children How was your time at school, and listen to the answer. Learning to disconnect from the office and the thousands of other commitments that a mother has today is not easy, but once we have learned to really clear our heads when we are with our children, we will feel much better and our feelings of guilt will also come. swept away. At that point it will no longer be so important if it is a quarter of an hour a day, it will be enough. And slowly we will see the positive impact that our "body and soul presence" has on our children.
