Pregnant friend: how to behave
You already are mum for a while and your best amica he confesses to you that he is pregnant: the first reaction is usually one of total and unconditional enthusiasm. Your children will grow up together, and who knows, maybe when the age difference is less crucial they could become best friends themselves!
But above all, you can't wait to pass on to her all your knowledge of a mother who is now an expert but still "fresh off her studies": in short, who would not want a best friend who has already been there and knows all the answers you are looking for?
In reality, the first thing to do is to stay calm. Our best friend, although we have known each other for a long time and are like sisters, it is not our photocopy. And motherhood will change her, just as we have changed… and yes, ours too friendship could change.
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It is not certain that he is dying for more advice
Especially if it is the first one pregnancy, it will probably already be surrounded by people dying to have their say. Her mother, her sister-in-law, the midwife of the pre-birth course, the neighbor, the baker and a thousand other people. She literally finds herself bombarded with unsolicited advice. As tempting as the idea of "being of help" from the height of our knowledge is, perhaps it is better to hold your tongue and, first of all, ask what are your projects, your opinions, your ideas on how she will manage the pregnancy and raise the baby. Who knows, maybe we will be the ones to learn something new ...
It is not certain that your pregnancy will be like ours ...
... Nor that, all things being equal, he will do everything like us. Maybe she doesn't have the time, or even the desire, to sign up for a water aerobics course for pregnant women which for us was so fundamental. Perhaps he will want to read books other than ours. It may be that she will instantly quit her job to just be a mother when we have continued until the last day, or vice versa.
If that happens, don't take it personally. As in all things, there is no absolute right way, but surely there is the right way for her, which may not even be what she has chosen, but she is an adult and has the right to be wrong.
Maybe she won't like turning into your landfill
Obviously this depends on the situations, but in general it would be good not to show up at his house with two suitcases of old stuff from our children, including the leotards with the unmistakable brown halos in the diaper area or the yellowish camouflage patterned t-shirts (read: patches of regurgitation). Unless the our friend is not seriously in trouble, we only select the items in excellent condition and above all we do not expect you to use them at all costs.
She'll need you as a friend
It is good to always keep in mind our role: that of best friend. Friend, okay? Not the alter ego of his gynecologist. Maybe, the day he comes to you complaining about nausea, he doesn't expect him to rattle off a whole series of possible tested and untested remedies, only to conclude that in any case you have had them stronger, more frequent, more prolonged and that he must. make a reason, then they pass. She probably just expects you to tell her: You're right, she sucks. Wait, I'm coming too and I'm holding your hair back. Here's what one does best friend; she already has one mother-in-law and probably enough.
He will compare himself to you in secret
It is inevitable that you will make mental comparisons with yours pregnancy. What a rage, she's in her fourth month and she still doesn't have to wear the jeans with the band. And can she even eat fast food? Not even heartburn?
Well, she will probably be doing the same to you. Maybe he would like the belly from pregnant woman she was already seeing and not just looking fatter. She may not have the courage to tell you that she has hemorrhoids or some other not very chic ailments. There pregnancy it is democratic: no one, or almost no one, comes out completely unscathed.
He won't always just want to talk about that
It may be that he takes you as the great guru of maternity and that she targets you day and night with phone calls or text messages asking you for light on this or that subject, or that she sees you just as that person with whom to disconnect from everything that is happening to her.
Maybe all those questions - what name will you give, which hospital did you choose, sure you don't want to change your gynecologist? - they make her feel under pressure. When the baby is born, you may no longer be able to spend an entire evening gossiping ...
Once the baby is born, it may disappear
There are people who even during the puerperium feel compelled to maintain contact with the world, even at the cost of enormous efforts, such as sacrificing the only half hour in which the child sleeps at home to chat in front of the computer. And then there are people who take it for what it is: a world apart. A unique, wonderful, difficult moment in which to immerse yourself in a timeless bubble. Maybe your best friend disappears from the face of the earth. Don't be offended: you've been through it too. It does not last long: if he loves you, he will come back.
Will want to hear "everything is fine"
Some people take perverse pleasure in tell about their birth in splatter version, with contractions to split in two that last whole days and splashes of blood on the walls of the delivery room. Well, if you're that kind of person, no harm, but at least with your best friend it's good to try to hold back, and thus avoid feeding her fears. Right now, your role is to tell her that she will be okay. Childbirth, nocturnal awakenings, colic, fissures… Everything passes, and she is doing great.